The Importance of FIFA in Carthusian Culture

FIFA is often overlooked in Carthusian culture despite the evident fact that it is of utmost importance to the functioning of the school. It may be seen to adults as simply a leisure activity but to the students, FIFA is more than just a game; it is a lifestyle, an integral component of Charterhouse day-to-day life. Just ask Tosin Oshai, a key member of the notorious group that calls themselves ‘The FIFA Gang’. Our team from the Oak interviewed Mr. Oshai after a tough 1-0 loss to Daniel Lee and this match had completely knocked the wind out of him – his palms were sweaty, his knees weak and his arms were heavy. He shared his thoughts with us post-match, saying ‘FIFA means so much to all of us; it is our escape from reality; the one thing that keeps us sane through the stress and turmoil of being a Carthusian.’ fifa
We also spoke to Zayd Abedi, the founder of this infamous group. However, the Oak’s sources say there is controversy rising about Mr. Abedi’s membership of the group due to his ‘gross incompetence at FIFA.’ Another source says, ‘His knack for taking L’s (a term the youth use to describe ‘a loss’) really jeopardises his position in the group.’ Mr. Abedi refused to comment on this matter.
For a group to obtain a legendary status such as that which The FIFA Gang possesses, it must have a strong female presence as evidenced by the longstanding rivalry between Ms. Madeline Gasparro and Mr. Tosin Oshai. However, the best example of this female presence lies in the intense rivalry between Virginia Tronchetti Provera and Laura Chami. The two Girdlestonite girls compete more fiercely than any two people I have ever witnessed – known to the public as good friends, all that is thrown out the window once they touch the PlayStation controllers. Legend say one has never beaten the other so The Oak decided to observe one of their action-packed duels live and it was better than we expected. With scores still level after 80 minutes of play, Ms. Chami resorted to desperate measures as she handed over her controller to the more experienced Julian Schuetzner but even he couldn’t prevail against the formidable Virginia Tronchetti Provera.
However, we cannot allow our readers to get ‘lost in the sauce’ (a term to youth use to describe being clueless about one’s surroundings). As our trusted readers, we cannot end this article without letting you know about the bitter, spiteful rivalry in all of Carthusian FIFA history. It is common knowledge that Ifeanyi Isichei and Tife Austen-Peters are the best to do ever do it; which is why it should come a no surprise that their rivalry is often compared to that of Messi and Ronaldo. Although Mr. Isichei edges this one out with a 4-3 record in the tie, it is evident that both he and Mr. Austen-Peters are head and shoulders above their peers.
We at The Oak decided that it was about time to bring The FIFA Gang out of the shadows and into the public eye and when we brought this proposition to the group they jumped at the opportunity. We even got Mr Austen-Peters and Mr Isichei to put their animosity aside and collaborate to write this legendary article.